If your partner has said things like this when you've tried to explain your mental health struggles, you know the deep hurt of feeling unseen and misunderstood by the person who should know you best.
In Bangladesh, where conversations about mental health are still emerging from shadows of stigma, many couples find themselves at an impasse: one partner suffering silently, the other unable to comprehend something they cannot see.
At Mindspace, we've helped countless couples bridge this gap. This article offers practical guidance for navigating marriage when mental health becomes a divide.
The Reality: Mental Health in Bangladeshi Marriages
Mental health challenges are common in marriages everywhere, but in Bangladesh, unique factors make them particularly difficult to address:
Common Scenarios
- A wife with depression whose husband thinks she's just "lazy"- A husband with anxiety who can't explain why he avoids social gatherings- Postpartum depression dismissed as "adjustment"- Generational trauma affecting how partners relate- Untreated PTSD from past experiences affecting intimacy
Why Partners Don't Understand
| Belief | Reality |
|---|---|
| "Depression is just sadness" | Depression is a complex medical condition affecting brain chemistry |
| "Strong people don't get depressed" | Mental illness affects people regardless of strength or character |
| "It's just in your head" | Yes—because it's a brain illness, which is a physical organ |
| "Just pray more" | Faith helps many, but mental illness also needs professional treatment |
| "We have a good life, why be sad?" | Depression isn't logical—it's biochemical |
| "It's Jinn or black magic" | Mental illnesses are recognized medical conditions |
How Mental Health Issues Affect Marriage
When one partner struggles with their mental health and the other doesn't understand, the ripple effects touch everything:
For the Partner with Mental Health Issues
- Feeling isolated within the marriage- Hiding symptoms to avoid conflict- Guilt for being a "burden"- Worsening mental health from lack of support- Questioning the relationship
For the Other Partner
- Confusion about changes in behavior- Frustration that "nothing I do helps"- Taking it personally – "Am I not enough?"- Caregiver fatigue over time- Resentment if household duties shift
For the Relationship
- Communication breakdown- Intimacy issues – both emotional and physical- Increased conflict- Growing distance- Considering separation
How to Explain Mental Health to a Partner Who Doesn't Understand
Communication is key—but how do you explain something invisible?
Step 1: Choose the Right Time and Place
- Not during a fight – Wait for a calm moment- Private setting – Away from family and children- Adequate time – Don't rush the conversation- When both are rested – Not late at night or early morning
Step 2: Use Simple, Clear Language
Avoid clinical jargon. Instead:
Instead of: "I have clinical depression with anhedonia and executive dysfunction."Try: "My brain has a chemical imbalance that makes it hard to feel happy or get things done, even when I want to."Step 3: Use Analogies They Can Relate To
- Diabetes analogy: "Just like diabetics need insulin because their body doesn't produce enough, my brain doesn't produce enough of certain chemicals. I need treatment to function properly."
- Physical injury analogy: "If I broke my leg, you wouldn't tell me to just 'think positively' and walk. My brain is injured in a way you can't see, but it's just as real."
- Glasses analogy: "You wouldn't tell someone who needs glasses to just 'try harder' to see. My brain needs help too."
Step 4: Share Specifics About Your Experience
Help them understand YOUR experience:
- "When the depression is bad, getting out of bed feels like climbing a mountain."- "My brain constantly tells me I'm worthless, even though I know it's not true."- "Sometimes the anxiety feels like I'm drowning, even when nothing is wrong."
Step 5: Explain What You Need
Be specific about what helps:
- "I need you to believe me when I say I'm struggling."- "It helps when you just listen without trying to fix it."- "I need you to support me in getting professional help."- "Please don't tell me to just 'snap out of it.'"
Step 6: Address Their Concerns
They may have fears too:
- "Is this my fault?" – "No, mental illness isn't caused by our relationship."- "Will you get better?" – "With treatment, many people improve significantly."- "What can I do?" – "Supporting my treatment is the biggest help."
Addressing Common Bangladeshi Cultural Barriers
"It's Jinn/Black Magic"
How to respond:- "I understand why you might think that, but mental illnesses are recognized medical conditions."- "Even if we seek spiritual help, medical treatment has been proven to help people like me."- "Many religious scholars now acknowledge mental illness as medical, not spiritual.""We Don't Tell Outsiders Our Problems"
How to respond:- "A counselor is a professional, like a doctor—they're bound by confidentiality."- "Getting help isn't shameful; it shows we care about our family."- "Many successful people see counselors—it's becoming normal.""Our Parents Never Needed This"
How to respond:- "Maybe they did struggle but didn't have the opportunity to get help."- "Mental health awareness has improved—we know better now."- "We have access to help they didn't have. Why not use it?""What Will People Say?"
How to respond:- "No one needs to know we're getting help."- "What matters more—other people's opinions or our family's wellbeing?"- "Many couples get counseling privately. It's more common than you think."Strategies for the Partner Struggling to Understand
If you're the partner who finds mental illness hard to grasp, here's how you can help:
1. Educate Yourself
- Read about depression, anxiety, and other conditions- Watch documentaries or YouTube videos on mental health- Ask your partner to share resources that resonate with them- Attend a counseling session together to ask questions
2. Listen Without Fixing
- Resist the urge to solve the problem- Just being present and hearing them matters- Validate their feelings even if you don't understand- Ask: "How can I support you?" rather than "Have you tried...?"
3. Don't Take It Personally
- Their withdrawal isn't rejection of you- Their irritability isn't about what you did- Their lack of energy isn't laziness- Their illness is not a reflection of your worth as a partner
4. Separate the Person from the Illness
- Your spouse is still who you married- The illness is something happening to them- They're not choosing to be this way- Compassion helps; criticism hurts
5. Support Professional Treatment
- Encourage them to seek help- Offer to go with them to appointments- Help manage medication schedules if needed- Be patient—treatment takes time to work
6. Take Care of Yourself Too
- Caregiver burnout is real- Maintain your own friendships and activities- Consider your own counseling to process feelings- Set healthy boundaries when needed
When Both Partners Need Support: Couple Counselling
Sometimes, individual efforts aren't enough. Couple counselling provides a safe space to:
- Improve communication about mental health- Develop understanding of each other's experiences- Create strategies for supporting each other- Address relationship damage that may have occurred- Build a stronger partnership together
What to Expect in Couple Counselling
| Session Focus | What Happens |
|---|---|
| Assessment | Understanding each partner's perspective |
| Communication Skills | Learning to express needs effectively |
| Education | Both partners learn about mental illness |
| Problem-Solving | Developing practical strategies |
| Rebuilding Intimacy | Reconnecting emotionally and physically |
| Future Planning | Preparing for challenges ahead |
Finding Marriage Counselling in Dhaka
Mindspace offers couple counselling services:- In-person sessions in Dhaka- Online counselling for convenience and privacy- Flexible scheduling for working couples- Culturally competent counselors who understand Bangladeshi context- Sliding scale fees for accessibility
Practical Tips for Daily Life Together
Morning Routines
- Don't pressure your partner to "be productive" immediately- Check in: "How are you feeling today?"- Small gestures matter: making tea, a gentle touch
During the Day
- Send supportive messages (not interrogative ones)- Don't expect instant responses- Understand if plans need to change
Evenings
- Create calm space to decompress- Avoid heavy conversations when exhausted- Physical presence without demands
Difficult Days
- Accept that some days will be harder- Have a plan for crisis moments- Know when professional help is needed
Intimacy
- Physical intimacy may ebb and flow with mental health- Emotional intimacy is equally important- Communicate about needs without pressure- Seek help if this becomes a major issue
Building Mental Health Awareness Together
Turn this challenge into growth:
- Learn together about mental health- Attend workshops or webinars- Read books on the topic- Watch movies/shows that portray mental illness accurately- Talk openly with children (age-appropriately) about mental health- Reduce stigma in your family and community
When to Seek Professional Help
Consider professional support if:
- Communication has broken down completely- Resentment is building in either partner- Mental health is significantly impacting daily life- You're considering separation due to these issues- Either partner is having thoughts of self-harm- The affected partner refuses individual treatment
A Message to Both Partners
To the Partner with Mental Illness:
Your struggle is valid. You deserve support from your spouse. It's okay to ask for what you need, and it's okay to seek professional help—for yourself and your relationship. You are not a burden.
To the Partner Trying to Understand:
Your confusion and frustration are valid too. No one taught you how to navigate this, and it's okay to find it hard. By seeking to understand—by reading this article—you're showing love. Your effort matters.
To Both of You:
Marriage is partnership through everything—including illness. Mental health challenges can either divide a couple or bring them closer together. With patience, communication, and professional support when needed, many couples emerge from this struggle stronger than before.
Mindspace: Supporting Couples and Families
At Mindspace, we're committed to helping couples navigate mental health together:
Our Services:
- Individual counselling for mental health issues- Couple counselling for relationship support- Family sessions when extended family is involved- Online options for privacy and convenience- Affordable rates with sliding scale
Why Couples Choose Mindspace:
- No judgment – We understand cultural pressures- Practical approach – Real strategies that work- Both partners heard – Balanced perspective- Confidential – What's shared stays private- Experienced – We've helped many couples through this
Frequently Asked Questions
My partner refuses to acknowledge I have a mental illness. What do I do?
Continue individual treatment, set boundaries about harmful comments, and consider asking a counselor for strategies specific to your situation. Sometimes a third party (doctor, respected family member) can help convey the message.How do I balance supporting my spouse with my own needs?
Your needs matter too. Set boundaries, maintain your own support system, and consider individual counseling. You can't pour from an empty cup.Is online couple counselling as effective as in-person?
Research shows online therapy can be equally effective. It also offers convenience and privacy that some couples prefer.We've been married for years—is it too late for counselling?
It's never too late. Couples at any stage can benefit from improved communication and understanding.If you and your partner are struggling to navigate mental health together, Mindspace is here to help. Contact us today for compassionate, practical support.Every marriage faces challenges. How you face them together defines your journey.